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All That I Am Ch. 03

Dan was dreaming as he had so many times. There was the feel of his body curled against a warm back his legs tangled with another s and his arm draped over a strong chest. Someone s hand holding his. He sighed shifted and froze against the solid warmth in front of him. It wasn t a dream. The previous night flooded into his mind even as a familiar intoxicating scent filled his nostrils. He s really here. God this feels wonderful.



He was pressed so close Rob s hair was tickling his nose so close he could feel the slow steady heartbeat through the muscular back. So close … he drew a sharp breath as he realized just where part of him was nestled. Rob s hips moved slightly and Dan sucked in another quick breath.



Rob?



That would be me came the amused voice. Were you expecting someone else?



Dan relaxed. Thought it was just another dream for a second. Didn t want to wake up. And then I didn t want to wake you.



Rob rolled over not bothering to untangle their legs and Dan found himself confronted by laughing gray eyes. You dream of me Doc?



Dan said nothing but felt the heat of a blush stain his cheeks.



You do dream about me. Just how long has this been going on?



Dan tried to free himself. Let me up I need the bathroom.



Rob locked his legs around Dan s grinning. Not until you tell me. Fess up or I ll go for the feet. How long have you been coveting my bod?



Two years. He felt a strange mix of emotions at that admission. He blinked and took a deep breath willing himself to be calm.



Rob relented. Fair s fair. About as long as I ve been chewing my pillow at night thinking of you. He kissed Dan hard and quick. Hurry up in there or I ll have to use the sink.



Dan smiled unwound his legs and rolled over and out of the bed. As he stood at the commode he thought about the day ahead. We have time for a fast shower before the kids are up and moving. I m taking Billy shopping for clothes and I want to do that early. He runs out of steam around midday. You re welcome to join us unless you have other plans. He flushed the toilet walked across the bathroom and leaned over to start the shower. When he turned around Rob was standing in the doorway.



I d rather haul your cute ass back to bed. I ll settle for ten minutes in the shower and shopping if we get to play while the kids nap.



Dan licked his lips wondering why his voice had suddenly deserted him.



Rob abruptly turned to the toilet. You d better stop with the sexy smoldering look Doc or we won t make it out of this room much less to the mall.



**********



Fifteen minutes later after a regrettably quick shower with Dan Rob was standing in the bathroom doorway wearing nothing but his boxers and a grin. He was watching as Dan bent to pull a pair of faded jeans from the bottom dresser drawer. The boxer briefs he wore clung to his trim waist and sleek buns and Rob was thoroughly enjoying the view. A knock at the door derailed his thoughts.



Come in Dan said slipping his legs into the jeans and pulling them up. Marty opened the door.



Uh excuse me. Rob reached for his pants.



Marty barely glanced at him. Dad Billy s got charley horses in both legs bad ones. I ve tried working them out but nothing helps. What should I do?



Get the heating pads and apply them. I ll be right there.



Marty started to leave but Rob stopped him. Save that for later. Run some hot water over a couple of towels and put those on his calves. He was stepping into his jeans as he spoke. Go on move. He zipped his jeans and turned to Dan. Doc do you have any oil? Baby oil cooking oil doesn t matter.



There s olive oil in the kitchen cabinet.



Rob nodded. Bring it along. He headed toward the boys room.



Marty ducked around him and got there first. He placed the damp towels on Billy s calves. This ll help.



Billy was face-down on the bed dressed in shorts and a tee shirt his hands fisted and his face white. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead.



Rob knelt by the bed. Feeling pretty crappy huh? Don t worry I ll work those cramps out for you. He glanced back at Marty hovering at the foot of the bed. I know what I m doing so relax. He slid his hand under the damp towel on Billy s left calf searching for the pressure point midway down the lower leg just under the large grouping of muscles. This ll hurt a little for just a second. He set his thumb on the spot and began to push steadily increasing the pressure. Billy sucked in a quick breath. That was his only reaction. You re a tough one kid. What happened Marty? He used his other thumb on the right leg same spot and same reaction from Billy.



I don t know. He used the john got dressed came back in here and barely made it to the bed. Maybe too much swimming yesterday?



More likely it s stress. Billy s calves weren t quite as tense and Rob began to ease the pressure of his thumbs. Okay that s step one. Doc you got any electric heating pads? Dan nodded. Grab two we ll need them later. Marty hand me that oil.



Billy can you scoot down so your feet are hanging off the bed? Or do you need help? Billy turned sideways on the bed the new position allowing his feet to dangle over the edge. Rob uncovered Billy s left leg poured some oil on his hands and began to work. Dan returned with two electric heating pads.



Get em warmed up low setting. Thanks. He concentrated on the cruelly tight muscles under his fingers. I ll start with this leg Billy. It s worse than the right. Watch what I do Marty. It isn t that difficult. When you want to ease a cramp you have to do more than just rub. He moved his thumbs in opposite directions against the grain of the muscle. You have to unlock the muscle fibers. It takes hard pressure and it hurts at first. I used acupressure to get the muscles to unclench a little but this is actually quicker. Feels better too. He continued moving his thumbs talking as he worked. Once you get the fibers stretched a bit you can work in the other direction up and down the length of the muscle. Switch back and forth until the muscle s good and loose. He poured more oil directly on Billy s leg this time and began to use the heel of his hand. This is a deep massage technique. Keep the pressure steady move in small circles and change the orientation of your hand as you go.



Billy sighed. Better he said.



Good Rob said. Once the muscle starts to relax ease up on the pressure. Oh the reason you want the foot to hang free is to lengthen the calf muscle. He moved his hands to Billy s ankle. You got ticklish feet kid? Billy shook his head. Good deal. A foot massage can help. Spasms cause tension in nearby muscles. Use your thumbs along the arch heel to toe. At the same time bring your fingers over the instep.



He looked up at Marty. Warm up one of those towels okay? Almost done with this leg Billy. We ll get some damp heat on it in a sec and then I ll work on the right leg.



Marty returned with the warm cloth and Rob placed it over Billy s calf then covered it with one of the heating pads. How s that feel?



Feels good. Billy s face had regained some color although his eyes still looked strained.



Ten minutes later with heating pads on both legs he was nearly asleep. Thanks Mr. Sheridan he mumbled. Doesn t hurt now.



I m glad I could help. He looked at Marty. Keep the heating pads on for another ten minutes. After that cover him with a light blanket so his calves don t get chilled. Billy rest for at least half an hour before you try to move okay? When you get up do it slowly. If the muscles start to spasm again we ll repeat the massage and heat. Okay?



Billy murmured something. Marty looked up at Rob. I ll make sure he does what you say. Thanks Mr. Sheridan. Those were the worst cramps I ve ever seen. He frowned. Gotta figure out what caused em keep it from happening again.



As I said probably stress. I doubt it was the swimming that s a gentle exercise and it didn t seem to me that he overdid it. He wiped his hands on one of the damp towels picked up the bottle of oil and walked down the hall. Dan had left the room ten minutes earlier. Rob smelled coffee brewing and followed his nose to the kitchen. Dan met him at the table with a full mug sweetened and lightened as Rob liked it.



Rob took the cup set it on the table and stepped closer to Dan. You re a lifesaver. I can t survive without my morning pick-me-ups. He put his arms around Dan s shoulders and pulled him in loving the feel of the warm body against his.



Plural? What do you need besides coffee? Dan s lips were curved in a tiny smile but his eyes were serious.



Rob stared at those lips and licked his own. Seems to me the coffee should come with a kiss attached.



Seems to me properly prepared coffee served with a smile should be rewarded with a kiss Dan said.



Hell just so there s a kiss in there somewhere. Rob ended the debate by conducting a brief but thorough tour of Dan s lips. Mmm perfect.



**********



Marty removed the heating pads and turned them off. He dumped the damp towels in the bathroom sink covered Billy with a blanket and extracted a firm promise that he wouldn t move until Marty returned.



He walked into the kitchen feeling the letdown from the worry over Billy. Sheridan and his dad were sitting at the table drinking coffee not saying anything. Marty saw the look in his dad s eyes the way their hands almost touched the way they sat sort of leaning toward each other and was cautiously happy for his dad.



He walked to the fridge poured a glass of orange juice and propped his hip against the counter. Thanks again Mr. Sheridan. Maybe you could teach me more about massage sometime.



Anytime. Could you drop the Mr. Sheridan? Makes me feel like an old fart. My name s Rob.



Marty grinned. Rob it is. I ll let Billy know we can be wickedly informal with you. Dad when we go shopping there are two things I want to get for Billy. A good computer and a piano keyboard. He told them about the conversation with Samuel. It ll take a while but I ll pay you back. He s never had much and I … I want to start making up for that.



Dan scratched his chin. We ll make it a welcome-to-the-family belated birthday present. I ll cover the cost you make sure you don t hit my wallet too hard. Fair enough?



Marty set his glass on the table and hugged his dad. More than fair. I don t mind chipping in you know.



Dan dropped a kiss on top of Marty s head. I know but I want to make things better for him too. He deserves it. He stood and stretched. Excuse me but coffee in equals coffee out. He disappeared into the bedroom.



Marty sat at the table and looked at Rob. I need to say something but I don t want you to take it the wrong way okay?



Rob raised an eyebrow. I promise to give you a fair listen.



Marty glanced at the open bedroom door and lowered his voice. My dad s the greatest guy I know. He gives and never asks for much of anything back. He deserves more and gets less than anyone I ve ever known except maybe Billy. I don t want to see him get hurt. He s been alone a long time. I ve heard him talk about you and I saw the way he was looking at you. Last night I was glad you two got together. I m not jealous or anything like that. If you make him happy I m all for it. I ve wished he could find someone to love because he has a lot in him that he never lets out. It s just that this is happening so fast. He s not a … a rush-into-things person. He always thinks ahead but I m not sure he can right now. You seem like a nice guy but maybe this isn t … maybe it doesn t mean as much to you … shit I m messing this up.



Relax. I happen to love the guy. Have since we met. He s dumb as a plank when it comes to reading my signals so I had to forget subtle and just hit him with it but what can I say? He didn t kick me out. In fact he said he loves me crazy as that sounds.



Marty blinked. You re not just saying that to make me shut up?



I never lie about legal matters or affairs of the heart. I told your dad last night. Rob tilted his head. He had about that same look as I recall. A bit more stunned perhaps.



Dan walked through the doorway and returned to his seat. What look?



Your son was making sure my intentions are honorable Doc. I told him they aren t but I love you so that should count for something.



Dan s neck grew red. Marty don t you think you re overstepping a bit?



Rob waved it off. Hey the kid cares about you and wants you to be happy. Quit complaining … you could maybe have a worse son.



The wide mouth quirked in a grin. Sorry. Turnabout s strange.



Marty smiled relieved. No problem. In that case Rob welcome to the family. When are you moving in? He laughed at the two faces with their identical expressions of surprise and went to check on Billy.



**********



At ten o clock before Samuel and Andrew left they came to the door to introduce the people who would be standing guard today. Charley Fairview was easily two inches taller than the twins and so broad he had to turn sideways to get through the front door. As dark as he was large with a face that had apparently received more than a few punches he was nevertheless gentle and kind with the boys.



Don t you worry Dr. Baxter. No bad guy will get near these two while I m around. Not a one. His voice was pure south his carriage that of a prizefighter and his clothing casual class.



Marty shook his head and looked at Charley. Are you guys grown in some secret government facility?



Charley laughed. We all met in college. We were on the weight lifting team.



Harvard has a weight lifting team? Billy s eyes were wide and startled.



Oh no … that was in Arizona. The twins transferred to Harvard a couple years later. We kept in touch and when they started the security and investigative firm they called on me and a couple of other guys. We all signed up. He turned and by a remarkable sleight-of-hand a small woman with cafГ© au lait skin and large dark eyes appeared beside him. My wife Elise. Don t let her size fool you she can handle any situation.



Rob grimaced. I ll vouch for that. We practice self-defense together and I seldom win.



Elise smiled a brilliant display of white teeth and sparkling eyes. That s because you don t practice Rob. Her voice was lovely a husky contralto that reminded Dan of classic movies and smoky jazz music. You can all relax. Charley and I will stay close by you all day and we re all on our toes now.



Billy gazed at her uneasily. My step-dad s big. And he s a cop so he carries a gun.



Elise pulled her hand from the side pocket of her shoulder bag. In it was a handgun. The Sig Sauer P229 favored by federal officers and most law enforcement agencies. As sweet a weapon a man … or woman … could hope for. She tucked the gun away. I m licensed to carry a concealed weapon and I m rated expert by my range instructor. She walked over to Billy and placed a small hand on his shoulder. We really do know our job. No harm will come to you on our watch. Believe it.



Suddenly Billy smiled. It was a smile Dan hadn t seen before. This was a full-blown both dimples flashing blues eyes sparkling totally bewitching smile. A smile that made you happy just to see it. A smile you wanted to see again.



At least you don t make me feel like a midget Billy said.



Elise laughed. I think you re the first person to be pleased by my size young man. Now then who wants to give me the day s agenda?



**********



Andrew turned left out of the Baxter s driveway and followed the residential streets until he reached the main highway. One block from the highway where a left turn would have taken him in the direction of Webber s house Samuel tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the side of the road. Andrew pulled over and parked the car next to the curb.



I have an idea Samuel said. Instead of proceeding directly to the sergeant s house let s call the office. Eddie Tedeski is on duty today and I believe his expertise would be welcome. After all this can t be the first time Webber has unleashed his sadistic tendencies. There may be a good deal more history and proof of a sort to find.



You want to set Eddie sniffing into the departmental records. Excellent. The more ammunition we have the better our position. He pulled onto the road turned right on the highway and headed for home. Make the call. This has the added benefit of allowing us a few hours of rest in our homes.



**********



They all piled into the oversize SUV driven by Charley. The center and back seats in an unusual arrangement faced each other.



It s set up like a limo Marty said.



First they stopped at Rob s apartment so he could put on clean clothes. The boys and the Fairviews remained in the small living room Charley s presence making it seem even smaller. Dan followed Rob down the short hall and leaned against the doorjamb while the other man dug through the closet.



What s your schedule like this week? Marty s flippant remark about Rob moving in was circling in his head. Not that not yet. Still he couldn t completely erase the thought.



A court appearance tomorrow a couple of briefs to prepare by Monday and some letters to write. Fairly light because I planned to take some time off beginning next week so I ve been winding things down. He pulled out a pair of gray lightweight cotton slacks and a blue polo shirt. Why?



I was just wondering. Dan looked at the floor worried he was moving too fast. He cleared his throat. Were you going away for your vacation?



I was heading to Kingman. Had something to talk over with my mom. I don t need to do that now so I ll be around. Rob yanked off his tee shirt and stripped off his jeans. What were you wondering? He pushed his arms into the sleeves of the polo shirt and pulled it over his head muttering when it got stuck. He reached up and worked the buttons loose.



Oh. Scratch that idea. Never mind.



Doc I was headed home to ask my mom s advice. Figured she might know a way a gay guy could get over being hooked on a straight guy. Like I said no need now. So what were you wondering?



Dan took a deep breath and pushed the words out in a rush. If you d like to spend the night again maybe more than one night. If it wouldn t interfere with anything that is. Dan heard the slight tremor in his voice and hoped Rob wouldn t notice.



Smiling gray eyes found his as the shirt came down. Rob tugged it over his chest stepped into the slacks and zipped them up. Without a word he reached into the closet and grabbed an overnight bag gently swinging it back and forth. How many nights? I m free for about the next thirty or forty years.



Dan released a shaky breath. Shall we start with the next ten days and go from there?



Rob tossed the bag onto the bed and crossed the short distance between them. I d love to stay as long as you d like but have you considered that either Marty or Billy might object? He reached for and held Dan s hand rubbing his thumb along the inside of Dan s wrist. Those two are your primary concern. As they should be. His hand tightened on Dan s. I d never want to come between the three of you. Well unless we re all sitting on the couch.



Standing this close the scent of Rob s aftershave teasing him the warmth of Rob s body tempting him Dan wanted to say the hell with it they d adjust. He couldn t. Rob was right of course. Marty and now Billy came first. He didn t want to give up the idea however now that it had lodged in his head and heart. He took a deep breath. Let s ask them.

Marty just rolled his eyes. Of course I don t mind.



Billy grinned. You ve got my vote.



It was settled that easily. Rob filled the bag with underwear shirts and socks tossed in some shorts and tucked his toiletries into the side pocket. He placed a suit shirt and dress shoes into a garment bag along with a couple pairs of jeans grabbed his guitar and laptop computer and they left the apartment.



**********



Andrew woke after two hours poured a glass of tomato juice and answered his phone when it rang. Eddie. I presume you have some useful information for me. Excellent. I ll call Samuel and we ll be there within half an hour. Thank you Eddie.



**********



They drove to a mall in a nearby town hoping to limit the possibility of running into Webber. Even though summer had begun it was a weekday and the mall was not yet inundated with screaming children prowling groups of teens and harried mothers.



They bought clothing for Billy from the skin out including shoes. Most of that was purchased at one of the large department stores although Billy stared at the price tags with wide blue eyes. Dan overrode his protests and if the boy so much as looked twice at something tried to buy it for him.



You re spending too much Billy scolded. I don t need all this stuff right now.



Finally Dan realized he was making the teenager uncomfortable returned everything to the shelves and racks and let him choose what he wanted. After that they walked to the food court for lunch. Dan got a large iced tea. His stomach was knotted with tension and he couldn t eat. He noticed that Charley and Elise got food they could eat with one hand and sat sideways to the table eyes focused outward.



Rob Marty and Billy chose Taco Bell and Marty ordered more than usual. He carried the tray to the table and halfway through his meal he leaned back and sighed. I got too much. He pushed a couple of burritos over to Billy. Here you have them. I hate to waste food.



Billy slanted his blue eyes at Marty and sighed. You think you re clever don t you? I ll eat one more but that s all I can manage. You can t keep stuffing me to make me gain weight. I ll pop.



Rob snaked a hand over and grabbed the second burrito. Since you ordered too much I ll take this one off your hands. I m hungry. He cast innocent eyes at Dan. Can t imagine why. Dan felt the heat rise in his face felt his dick rise in his jeans and shifted in his seat.



After lunch they strolled through the mall looking at the displays of merchandise and heading in the general direction of the parking lot. Marty spotted the computer/electronics store on the right and glanced at his dad. Billy had stopped and was staring through the glass front windows.



Dan pulled Marty aside. Wander through the store with him find out which computer and keyboard he d like and then tell the clerk. After that head to the arcade over there play a few games. I ll slip in and make the purchase take it to the car and he ll have a nice surprise when we get home. Marty grinned and dragged Billy inside Elise right behind them.



Dan explained to Charley who nodded. Y all are going to spoil that boy. Seems like something he needs. All right Dr. Baxter. We ll watch them at the arcade make sure you have time to get out to the car and back. He passed the keys to Dan and strolled over to stand near the entrance to the store.



**********



Eddie s office was secluded and windowless because he wanted it that way. As a hacker of enormous talent he was without doubt one of their most valuable employees and he could have commanded one of the larger offices with expensive furniture and a nice view of the outside world. He preferred his closed-in domain filled with long tables of computer hard-drives monitors and multiple keyboards. The equipment was up-to-date and powerful. Eddie s only concessions to comfort were a top-of-the-line desk chair in soft leather a microwave and a small refrigerator stocked with energy bars power drinks and pocket pizzas. Had he possessed a more larcenous nature he could have stolen enough money to live in luxurious anonymity anywhere in the world. What he wanted — and what the Johnsons provided him under the umbrella of their security — was the thrill and challenge of sneaking into various computer systems and ferreting out their secrets. In this he was unparalleled.



Tedeski was atypical in another way. Most of their employees dressed in suits the more casual amongst them favoring dress slacks and sports jackets. Eddie preferred outrageous and wild clothing. Today he wore purple jeans frayed at the hem and pockets hot pink high-top canvas shoes and a bright green tee shirt that proclaimed Will hack for sex. He had others. Samuel s favorite thus far was Virus?!?! I thought a trojan was supposed to protect me! Eddie s hair and eyes were an average brown but the intelligence that shone through those eyes was of a very high level indeed.



The twins pulled over a small chair each and sat beside the glowing monitors. Andrew raised one eyebrow. All right Eddie dazzle us.



Eddie handed them each a neatly organized folder. He leaned forward his slender body radiating the tension of excitement. This guy s dirty. Half his busts get tossed because of unnecessary use of force improper searches or failure to read a suspect his rights. He s also been implicated in taking bribes. Unfortunately he manages to weasel his way out every time. His jacket reads like a civil lawyer s wet-dream his captain wishes he d take early retirement and the D.A. s office hates him.



Andrew flipped through the file quickly knowing Samuel would be reading more carefully. Is there anything at all in the way of proof or at the least anything we can use as leverage against him?



Eddie nodded. Five years ago Webber was on the hot seat. He d beaten and raped a male hooker — and I m talking vicious. The guy Joey Larson had to have surgery on his jaw twenty stitches in his posterior both arms were broken and the bruising was extensive. There were also some heavy bite marks. We re talking bad. Even the guy s package was mangled. Larson found an attorney pressed charges and it looked like Webber would take a long hard fall. Three months before the trial Larson vanished. His body or what was left of it turned up six months after that. Everyone knew it was Webber. Not a goddamn question about it. But his partner at the time backed him up swore they were on patrol during the time Larson was seen being bundled into a car and no one could prove a thing.



Samuel looked up from the file. Five years ago? That s when young Billy missed so much school he had to repeat the year. I don t believe in coincidence.



Nor do I Andrew said. Did you check the hospital and doctor s records on Billy during that time period Eddie?



In the file. Webber was under a shitload of stress and Billy paid for it. No doubt in my mind.



Nor in mine. Eddie when Robert was here did you manage to finesse copies of the photos he d taken? He smiled at Eddie s pained expression. I m sorry I doubted you. Print up one set please. Andrew wasn t above snooping on his colleagues or clients in a good cause. This qualified in his mind.



Eddie turned to the keyboard sent the command and swiveled back around. Do you want me to keep digging? There s probably more to find. He pulled the photographs from the printer tray and handed them to Andrew. These pictures. His voice was thick with anger. Makes me wish I worked the field and carried a gun. You re gonna nail this sick bastard right?



Fear not. Andrew looked at the photos. Keep hunting Eddie. Samuel and I have an errand of utmost importance but we ll check in as soon as possible. Take some money from petty cash and treat yourself to a good dinner. Oh and we needn t inform Robert of this at the moment. Samuel and I will handle any complications that arise.



Eddie flicked his fingers at them. As if boss.



Thank you again Eddie.



**********



Rob and Dan sat on a bench outside the store. It was the last stop of the day and Rob was very glad. He d never realized how exhausting shopping for a teenager could be. He looked over at Dan noticing the extra lines around those beautiful eyes and hoped they d all rest better tonight. Of course it might not have been so tiring if they d gotten a decent night s sleep. He smiled as he remembered part of the reason they were both so tired. Sucking hard he noisily drained the last of his iced tea and chucked the empty container in the trashcan.



Dan turned his head and smiled. I m not sure I can take you out in polite company. What would the head waiter at Ricardo s think?



For a meal at Ricardo s I d brush up on my manners. Although I d rather have a quiet dinner at home with you. Then I could do to you what I just did to that tea. He looked down at Dan s hand resting on top of the bags piled between them. Uh Doc? How do you feel about showing affection in public?



I don t know. Why?



How can you not know? You either like it or don t.



As Dan turned to face Rob his arm and hand moved to the back of the bench. Don t be a grump. I don t know because I ve never thought about it. Never had a reason to. He paused. I suppose it would depend on what you mean by showing affection. I m a private person in many ways it s just my nature. The only person I ve been out in public with Judy. When Judy and I were out we d hold hands but that was pretty much it. Anything more made me feel squirmy.



Visions of you squirming doesn t exactly cool my jets Rob muttered. He propped his own arm on the back of the seat and rested his chin on his palm. Yeah I know you re reserved kind of shy. I m more in your face. Maybe we could meet in the middle?



A corner of Dan s mouth twitched. What did you have in mind?



Something between pinning you to the bench for a passionate kiss and just sitting here doing nothing. He watched the color creep up Dan s neck and laughed. Relax. If those two he jerked his head in the direction of the store can manage to behave in public so can I. I d like to touch you … maybe just your hand? He ended on a plaintive note and sighed.



Dan laughed. You re a terrible actor. He turned his hand palm up and wiggled his fingers. You can hold my hand. I ll bear up under the strain.



Rob lifted his head and lowered his hand resting his palm gently on Dan s. I don t want to make you uncomfortable Daniel he said quietly. Hell I d walk through the middle of town with my arm around you waving a sign that reads I love this man and I wouldn t give a flying fuck who saw me or what they thought. I ve never been shy about who I am. He shrugged. Which is probably why my old man beat the crap out of me and left home and why I was the punch line for a lot of sick jokes in high school. You on the other hand are more conservative.



Locked away shut up tight I think you said.



So I did. Well I understand that a little better now. So if this he nodded at their hands bothers you I ll adjust. He was looking at Dan s face and was surprised to feel the long strong fingers curl around his hand. Surprised but very pleased and not a little turned on. Damn I ve got it bad when the touch of his hand on mine makes me hard. He gave the hand a squeeze and moved his thumb up to rub lightly along the inside of Dan s wrist.



I could get used to it Dan murmured.



At least the mall isn t busy today. Gives you a chance to adjust. Rob grinned. I ll try to curb my tendency to go overboard.



Dan frowned. God knows I don t want to inhibit you. I love your freedom the way you say what you think and feel your expressiveness. I m just….



You re just perfect. Fret not Doc we ll make it work for both of us. I m an attorney remember? I excel at the art of compromise. He lifted Dan s hand dropped a light kiss on it and then placed it back on top of the packages. He let his own rest near but not quite touching Dan s. It was enough for now to know that Dan loved him. The rest would come he had no doubt of that. All he had to do was watch Dan with Marty. He was a physically demonstrative man with his son even in public. Given time he d show Rob the same affection. At the thought Dan s hand slipped under Rob s and the long fingers slid between his and tightened. Might not take all that long he thought happily.



**********



Andrew had his binoculars trained on the front room of Webber s house. To think that that delightfully intelligent warm-hearted boy grew up in this dismal home. It makes one believe that nature not nurture prevails.



Samuel was watching the house as well. Dismal is an excellent word. The paint is faded although I believe the original color was green. I suppose at some time there was a bit of landscaping and that sagging structure would appear to be a garage. The interior is no better. Sergeant Webber must spend his pay elsewhere or perhaps he simply doesn t care.



I suspect the former. He shows a decided proclivity for the destruction of all that s good and fine. Witness his treatment of young William. He lowered his binoculars. Still nothing. I think the beast is fast asleep within his lair.



Samuel had been watching the master bedroom. I concur. No movement for over an hour. Shall we?



They parked three houses down from Webber s and strolled back. The locks on the front door were not proof against Andrew s skill and he had them open within seconds. They stepped inside and listened. Stillness and nothing but. Samuel nodded and Andrew opened the zippered bag he d brought with him. He removed a few items and the brothers moved quietly to Webber s bedroom.



**********



By the time they returned to the house Billy was yawning. Marty wasn t in much better shape. Charley entered first checked the house and waved them in. Dan wondered if they were being overly cautious. On the other hand Webber had been here last night. Maybe Paranoid Airlines was the only way to fly.



Come on Billy let s crash. Marty gave him a gentle push toward the hall. I ll get some water and be right there. He pulled a couple of bottles from the fridge and looked at his father. We ll give him the other stuff later okay? I m beat.



No problem son. We re all tired. Dan turned to Elise and Charley. Make yourselves at home. There s food and drinks in the fridge a half-bath just inside the front door and music movies and books galore. Help yourself thank you for everything and I m going to be a horrible host. I need a nap.



Charley grinned. You can relax Dr. Baxter. We ll hold down the fort. Get some rest.



I will. Charley call me Doc or Dan okay? We ll see you later. He opened his bedroom door. Come on Rob. I ll clear a drawer or two for you. Rob carried his things into the bedroom and shut the door.



Dan quickly transferred the contents of two dresser drawers elsewhere waved Rob over kicked off his shoes and flopped onto the bed. He watched as Rob moved through the room putting clothing away setting his toothbrush razor and cologne in the bathroom hanging his suit in the closet and hoped he was doing the right thing. For himself for Rob for the boys. He closed his eyes trying to see inside his head. He wasn t used to taking this kind of emotional leap and he felt a huge abyss filled with heartache and pain opening beneath him. What if he was wrong about Rob? What if they blew out as quickly as they d caught fire? What if….



Cold feet?



Dan looked up and there was Rob standing at the foot of the bed those smoky gray eyes both amused and understanding.



Just hoping.



Rob sat down toed off his shoes and moved up on the bed to prop himself next to Dan. Hoping what Doc? Hoping I won t run out on you? I don t have a wife to go back to so that s not a worry. Hoping you re not a notch on my bedpost? You saw my bed not a post in sight. Hoping we re a nice steady gas flame and not a brush fire that ll burn itself out?



Something like that. Marty said it last night. I worry about everything. He rubbed his face. I told you I m no good at knowing what goes on inside a man s head. I m beginning to realize that includes my own.



Rob captured Dan s hand pressed a kiss into the palm and held that hand against his heart. Dan could feel the slow steady beat under his fingers.



I don t know what s ahead for us. The normal shit I suppose. I ll probably piss you off now and then because my mouth frequently runs away with my brain. But if I do I ll make sure we thrash it out before it can fester. I can guarantee that I ll love you as long as I live. This isn t a sudden thing baby not for me. I ve been falling in love with you for the past two years. A long slow floating fall. I fought that feeling I tried to argue myself out of it. Nothing worked. I was hooked plain and simple. So for as long as you ll have me I ll be here.



Dan felt a prickle behind his eyes and closed them. I don t want to be as hesitant as I am. I wish I could just let go and…. He heard the roughness of tears in his voice and tried to swallow them. He felt Rob s strong warm hand cup his cheek.



Daniel do you love me? Do you want me here?



He couldn t speak his throat was closed too tight so he nodded. A single tear escaped the prison of his eyes and he cringed inside. He didn t want Rob to see him cry to think him weak.



Look at me please. Dan opened his eyes and forced himself to meet that steady gray gaze. There will be difficulties there always are between two people. We ll have to find a way to blend our lives that works for everyone. You know that. But I love you and I ll be damned if I ll let you go. Rob bent his head and kissed the corner of Dan s eye catching the tear on his lips. Face it lover. You re stuck with me. He took a deep breath and there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice. I d like to hear you say you want me here.



I do. Not just here in my bed but in all the untidy corners and cupboards of my life. After you see more of that mess you may run screaming. I ve never been good at opening up to people. He reached up and brushed his fingers through the thick straight hair. But I do love you. It s so strong it s frightening. Can you be patient while I learn to relax and let myself feel all the things I ve kept locked away?



As long as you don t shut me out yeah. And if you try I ll break down the fucking door. He bent his head again and this time his lips found Dan s. When he straightened up he was smiling. How much sleep do you need Doc?



Dan glanced at the door thinking of the Fairviews. He lifted an eyebrow. That depends on how quiet you can be.



Rob was unbuttoning his shirt when someone knocked on the door. Dan sighed and got up. Never a dull moment he said and opened the door.



Charley stood there a smile on his face. We re heading out to join the team that s watching Webber Doc. He s at home right now dead certain on that so y all will be fine. Just be cautious. Don t open the door unless you know for sure who s on the other side and don t take off without calling Andrew or Samuel. If we lose Webber we ll phone and one of us will be right back in your driveway pronto.



All right Charley. Thanks for everything. He shook the proffered hand walked the couple to the front door locked it carefully and returned to the bedroom.



Rob was on his side in the middle of the bed head propped in his hand waiting. He was also naked and obviously aroused You re wearing too much he said his voice a low growl.

Dan kicked the door shut and yanked his tee shirt over his head as he walked toward the bed.



**********



Marty are you awake? Billy spoke very quietly not wanting to disturb him if he was sleeping.



Yeah. We should be snoring. How come we re not?



Billy rolled over and smiled at him. He saw Marty s gaze travel down to his crotch and then back up to his eyes. You know Elf we re gonna have to learn how to actually sleep together. Or lay in a huge stock of energy bars and protein shakes.



Billy didn t bother to answer he just burrowed under the sheet until he reached Marty s groin. He pushed gently and Marty rolled onto his back and when he tugged at the waistband of the briefs that were in his way Marty lifted his hips so Billy could remove them. He licked across the flat stomach felt the skin jump under his tongue and smiled. He moved his mouth around kissing and licking everywhere except the rising shaft.



You re being a major tease. What are you doing?



Having fun. He pushed at the back of Marty s thigh and the leg was lifted out of his way. He crawled between the long legs and continued to kiss and taste. He took a deep breath and then another.



Now what are you doing?



I m smelling you. You smell good kind of spicy. Not like hot spices like baking spices. He sniffed again burying his nose between the tight cheeks. A soft oh god came from above him. Almost like cinnamon. He put a palm on the back of each thigh and pushed Marty s legs up and apart. His tongue flicked out and Marty gasped. He licked at the base of the smooth round balls down the tight skin below them and around the puckered ring of flesh below that. He felt Marty s hands settle above his holding himself open and Billy sighed happily. He likes this. Good. He planted gentle kisses on the raised buttocks followed the curve of the leg in and mouthed first one testicle and then the other. Back down to circle that tight hole and he felt it twitch. Without lifting his mouth he sent a hand up to stroke Marty s dick and found it hard as iron and dripping.



Ohh it feels so good. Wait wait oh god. Marty s hand rested on his stopping him. I ll come in five seconds if you don t stop and then you ll be left hanging cuz I can tell this ll be a hard one and I ll just be a smear on the sheets. Marty moved up onto his knees tossed off the covers and knelt on the bed. Come here get under me let s try it together. He frowned. Are you … can you do it without hurting? In lieu of an answer Billy shucked his underwear off squirmed around until his head was once again between Marty s legs snaked his legs between Marty s arms and wriggled his butt into position. If you can shake your ass like that you must be feeling better. Billy bent his legs until his knees were under Marty s chest wriggled again and Marty groaned. You re driving me crazy.



Marty moved his own knees forward and lowered his ass to Billy s waiting mouth. He bent his head and the first tentative explorations of his tongue and mouth made Billy gasp and caused his tongue to flutter. Marty moaned never lifting his mouth from Billy and Billy felt the vibration of that sound.



Marty propped himself on one hand and used the other to stroke up and down Billy s dick while his face remained pressed into the cleft of Billy s butt. Billy wrapped both hands around Marty one over the other circling the hard rod and pressed his tongue deeper. He started humming and Marty went wild his legs and butt trembling. Umpf … unhh … ohh. Billy s hands moved faster his tongue delved deeper and when Marty returned the favor Billy s hips began to thrust up.



Billy felt Marty shudder felt the hard shaft jerk and twitch and managed to slide down fast enough to catch the creamy fluid that began to pulse out. When he did Marty leaned back tilted his head and covered Billy s dick with his lips. That sent Billy over the edge and he cried out around the warm flesh in his mouth. The two stayed as they were for a long moment and then Marty lifted himself up and flopped over onto his back. What kind of books do you read anyway?



Billy moved up to rest against Marty s shoulder bringing the sheet with him and draping it over them. I didn t read that I just wondered what you d smell like and you smelled so good I wondered what you d taste like.



Cinnamon? Marty started to laugh. Well it s better than what I expected you to say.



Maybe not cinnamon Billy said sleepily. Maybe nutmeg.



**********



Webber woke grudgingly groggily aware that something wasn t right. He blinked sleep-dazed eyes slowly spotted the large form at the foot of his bed and lunged forward with a yell. He tried that is but was thwarted on both counts by the wide straps that secured wrists and ankles to the corners of his four-post bed and the duct tape over his mouth. He turned his head and confirmed what his gut told him. The restraints were his the ones he kept hidden under the loose floorboard in his closet. Not only had the bastard broken in again he d found one of Webber s hidey-holes.



After Johnson had told him the story about Dewey Grimes his former partner s son Lloyd had talked with Grimes. Donald was as tough as they came battle-hardened in the Army further armored through his years on the force. Big and brawny he feared no man — except Samuel Johnson. When Webber had mentioned Johnson s name Grimes had lit a cigarette with a shaking hand and his face had turned a dirty gray covered suddenly with the greasy sweat of terror.



Stay away from that crazy fucker. Him and his brother both. You ll never pin anything on them and just trying could get you hurt in ways you don t want to think about.



Lloyd stared at him. He d used the department s computer to check on Samuel Johnson. Along with his twin brother they ran a private security/investigative firm named simply Elite. Their record was better than good. Their clients loved them and all their civilian busts were righteous. If they got the goods on someone and put them away that someone stayed put away. They d both served in the Marine Corps and although the military records on them were classified there was nothing to indicate anything detrimental in them. On the surface they were squeaky clean.



What kind of shit are you talking Don? They re a couple of keyhole-lookers. So they were in the Corps. Doesn t make them bulletproof for Christ s sake.



I never could find out what they did during their time in the service. Even my guy in the DOD came up dry. Said he was stonewalled by everyone and when he kept asking he was told by a Special Ops mucky-muck to back off and stay backed off. He sounded scared and wouldn t say another fucking word except that he got the impression they re still connected to the government. So I asked around town about them tapping a few of my informants. Word on the street is these two do what they want to whoever they want and walk away smelling like roses. What the street says they ve done goes way beyond scary. Hell even the Morrissey clan crosses the road when they see the Johnsons. The Morrissey s were a local gang of criminals who routinely kicked ass and didn t bother taking names. They all had long records had done time in the state s toughest institutions and had the scars to prove it. They were routinely feared and despised.



Who the fuck are these guys?



Who they are doesn t matter. What they are does. And what they are buddy is fucking untouchable. My advice back away from whatever it is they re after or give it to them if you ve got it. It s a lot healthier that way.



Grimes had refused to say another word even when Webber had asked about the incident with Dewey. In fact he d ordered Lloyd out of his house and told him never to mention the twins again.



Now here he was fastened to his bed like one of the whores he d used over the years staring up at the gently smiling blond giant. He felt his testicles try to crawl up inside his body felt sweat break out on his forehead and stared hatred at the man who caused this reaction.



Ah good to have you with us Sergeant Webber. I can see you remember me. Allow me to introduce my brother Samuel.



The other half of the Johnson twins entered the bedroom from the hallway. The two were dressed in identical jeans soft leather sneaks and snug tee shirts that showed



the bulge of their muscles clearly. The only difference was the color of the shirts. Andrew s was green while Samuel wore blue.



Samuel took up the post at the foot of the bed. Andrew said nothing further but set up what looked like a double-deck vhs player on the dresser plugged it in and inserted a couple of tapes from the two stacks on the dresser.



Samuel began to speak. Now that we have your undivided attention let me explain the purpose of our visit. Oh and may I say that s quite a unique collection of video tapes you have. I wonder how your captain would react to those? At any rate the reason for this unannounced intrusion. You apparently didn t believe us when we told you to stay away from Billy. Either that or you re a slow learner. Whatever the case consider this your second and final warning. Do remember that word Sergeant. Final. As in there will be no more. I hope I m being perfectly clear. Yes? Good.



Andrew removed the two tapes and inserted two more. Lloyd realized he was copying one tape to another. Fuck if anyone saw those tapes his career was over. He d avoid prosecution because the slags he d tapped for his films would never testify but the captain would have his papers processed and him out the door within seconds of seeing that shit.



From the corner of his eye Webber saw Samuel reached forward and with a deceptively casual flick of his hand deliver a sharp blow to the bottom of Lloyd s bare foot. Webber s eyes jerked back to the man by the bed. He was standing as he had been arms loosely folded across his chest regarding Webber with a polite smile. Shit he s fast.



Are you paying attention now? Excellent. He held up a file folder. In here are copies of some of the more interesting aspects of your departmental file. Also within this folder are copies of Billy s medical records from five years ago and photographs taken this past Monday of the damage you did to the boy. He showed the pictures one by one. Combined with his signed statement it makes a rather damning portfolio. What I wonder would your brothers in blue make of it? Your captain would also be interested in seeing this I m certain. Oh and the District Attorney would positively swoon to have this information at his disposal. Need I mention the reaction of the people in Internal Affairs? I thought not.



Would your fellow officers stand behind you? I think not. Your captain already yearns for your departure so you have no hope of rescue there. I trust you ve spoken with Grimes and realize he ll offer you no help either. What to do then?



Andrew had finished copying the tapes and was dismantling the equipment and storing it neatly along with the copies in a large canvas bag.



I have a suggestion for you Sergeant Webber. Stay away from Billy. Stay away from the Baxters. Simply erase them from your mind forget their very existence. You ll live a much longer and happier life that way. Understand I m not threatening you directly. Oh my no. Should you pursue your current course however you will find yourself a guest in one of this state s correctional facilities. The inmates there tend to disapprove of cops and pedophiles vehemently and in equal measure. I doubt you d last very long although I m sure your suffering would be sufficient to make you wish the time were shortened. I can make quite certain that you d be placed in with the general population despite the precautions usually taken with police officers who find themselves incarcerated.



Webber stared at him wishing him and his brother dead and ten days buried.



Trust me sergeant the hatred burning in your eyes is nothing compared to the animosity you would face inside those walls. Now then you re probably wondering why I don t turn this file over to the authorities why I ve bothered with all this rhetoric. It s quite simple really. I m doing this to spare young Billy the stress of having to testify at your trial.



I have no doubt he would do just that and acquit himself quite well He s intelligent articulate and far too innocent in appearance demeanor and fact for even the stoniest of jurors to doubt him. But it would be distasteful to him and I hope to relieve of him that burden. Are you finished Andrew? He handed his brother the file.



Andrew dropped the folder in the bag zipped it shut and disappeared down the hall. Webber returned his gaze to Samuel.



It s time to bid you adieu. Do remember what I ve said and ponder it carefully. I wonder though do you need a more tangible incentive? I m sure I could come up with something sufficiently motivating. Andrew returned and stood beside Samuel. You should be thankful my brother is here. His is the cooler head and he keeps me well in hand. Andrew spoke quietly into Samuel s ear. Well. He also believes you need a small token of our resolve. What shall it be? Ideas Andrew?



Andrew raised his voice for the first time. Several. Unfortunately most of them are untidy time-consuming and would require a doctor s care afterward.



I think we want to avoid the latter. Suspicion might fall upon Dr. Baxter should Sergeant Webber have to make any kind of official report. I realize he wouldn t stay in the spotlight long since he possesses a more than adequate alibi with several unimpeachable witnesses but it would be unpleasant in the short term. I don t wish to complicate the good doctor s life.



Interesting little problem you ve given me. Nothing permanent nothing that requires a visit to a physician and yet painful enough to let him know we mean business.



Yes it s a bit of a dilemma isn t it?



Webber waited helpless and raging while the twins carried on their bizarre discussion. I ll fucking kill them for this. All of them. He yanked at the restraints and the leather creaked.



He s becoming quite agitated Andrew.



He ll agitate himself into traction if he isn t careful. Dark blue eyes stared coldly at Lloyd and he stopped moving. That s better. Andrew turned to his brother. Give him a kidney punch. He ll still be able to work won t have to see the doctor but he ll remember us every time he takes a piss.



How poetic. Difficult to administer in his current position however. Samuel moved to Lloyd s left and nodded to his brother. Andrew leaned over from the other side of the bed unfastened the strap securing Lloyd s left arm and yanked. Lloyd was pulled toward Andrew and before he could begin to react he felt the coldness of metal pressed against the back of his head. Don t make any movements which we might misinterpret Sergeant. I might not wish to use this but I assure you I ll blow your fucking brains out. Samuel s voice remained soft and even but Webber didn t doubt him.



Andrew secured the strap low on the bedframe. Lloyd s body was twisted exposing his back to Samuel. The gun was removed and faster than he d thought possible a vicious blow was delivered to his lower back over the left kidney. Sweat broke out on his forehead his stomach lurched and Lloyd screamed behind his gag.



Oh fuck that hurt. He was breathing hard bubbles of snot forming at his nostrils tears of pain squirting from his eyes. Jesus you bastards. I ll get you for this.



Andrew spoke to Samuel. Carry our equipment out to the car. I ll release his left wrist. He should be able to free himself after that. Samuel nodded and left the room and Andrew turned and regarded Webber. His face was still dispassionate his voice as arctic as his eyes. Don t let my brother s words fool you you piece of shit. I d happily gut you and toss you in the desert to feed the wildlife and I d sleep like a baby after. He punched Lloyd hard in the crotch. Fuck with me and I ll forget I m back in the world and slit your goddamn throat. He unbuckled the strap around Lloyd s left wrist and left.



It was ten long minutes before the pain subsided enough to allow Lloyd to move. Two minutes later he was free the tape off his mouth his body curled on the bed his hands cupping his wounded balls trying desperately not to vomit.



**********



Andrew drove four blocks pulled into a gas station and shut off the car. He walked inside got the key to the restroom came out and handed it to Samuel. Samuel took it with a shaking hand stepped in and closed the door behind him. Through the door came retching sounds. A few minutes later Samuel opened the door and took the bottle of mouthwash Andrew offered him. They returned the key to the attendant got back in their car and left.



You should have let me take care of it. Andrew looked over at his brother and then back at the road. I m not as sensitive as you are.



Samuel smiled wanly. Bullshit. You just manage to hold out longer. You ll be tossing your cookies at home. Speaking of which get us there. I want to see my wife.



A sentiment I understand and agree with. We ll be there in ten minutes.



Samuel s phone rang. Yes Eddie? One moment I ll put you on speaker. He pressed the speaker function and held the phone out so Andrew could listen.



Eddie s voice slightly tinny was nevertheless clear. You asked me to look into Mrs. Webber s death. I had to dig but I found something.



Enlighten us please.



Let me go back a bit. Eighteen years ago shortly after Billy was born Irene Prescott married Webber. One year later she became a regular visitor to the various emergency rooms in this part of the state. Almost five years after that she left Webber went to live in a shelter three counties over. She stayed with them a couple months got a job moved into a small apartment put the kid in daycare. A month after that she was back at Webber s and six weeks later she died of internal bleeding after falling off a ladder into some gardening tools. Supposedly she was cleaning in the garage. The kid found her.



Dear god. Samuel sounded shaken.



Makes me wonder if there is a god. I found a statement one of the cops took. Billy told him Webber did it.



How the fuck did he get away with it? Andrew realized he was speeding and eased off the accelerator.



No proof. The police department was smaller then and the captain was political not much of a cop. Hell they didn t even have an internal affairs division. Everyone seemed to think the kid was making it up mistaken hysterical whatever the fuck let them sleep at night. The reports they sent to the county and state made it an accident the coroner couldn t prove otherwise and no one wanted to dig too deep into a fellow cop s private life. He paused. You gonna tell Robert about this?



Andrew looked at Samuel and shrugged. Samuel sighed. I m not sure. I doubt it would accomplish much other than to further enrage him. Thank you Eddie.



**********



Robert was propped on one elbow idly stroking Dan s arm. Dan was on his back his left hand under his head a light sheen of sweat on his body and a contented smile on his face. The cover was drawn up to their waists. Beneath it their legs were tangled together.



Do you want to sleep now?



The smile deepened. I m not ready for round two if that s what you re asking. The brown eyes blinked slowly. But I m not going to be able to sleep. Too much running through my head.

A massage?



Dan shook his head. You re as tired as I am. I m fine. This is nice. Better than nice. His eyes closed as he relaxed obviously enjoying the gentle caress.



I d argue the first part of that statement but certainly not the latter. He continued moving his hand lightly from the tips of Dan s fingers to the bend in his elbow. We could talk.



Hmm about what?



Maybe share a little history get to know the things that shaped us made us who we are.



Dan shifted slightly. I don t talk much about my past. It was a confusing time.



No shit you don t talk about it. Look in a lexicon under strong silent type and it says see Dan Baxter. Maybe it s time you let it out.



Maybe.



I told you about my dad. My home life was a lot better after he left. My mom sisters and brothers were supportive and accepted me without question. I got the feeling most of them knew I was gay before I came out to them. Hell my mom probably knew before I did. When I was in college Mom married Frank Bascomb a truck driver. Great guy loves the hell out of her. Frank told me once my dad was an asshole for throwing away a wonderful son like me. Hugged me when he said it. Rob heard the huskiness in his voice but it didn t matter. If he couldn t show his emotions and vulnerabilities how could he expect Dan to reveal his?



My folks are gone. Died in a car accident while I was finishing my internship. The only family I have is Marty and Judy. Now you. Judy s family wrote me off after the divorce. I m not sure if it s the idea that I m gay or that I divorced their daughter. She s royally pissed at them for it but what can she do?



She sounds like a terrific lady. I d like to meet her.



She is you will and you two will get along. She s a lot like you. Takes shit from no one says what s on her mind and deals straight from the heart. He paused smiling. She s the one who saw me most clearly and made me see myself. Never even considered the idea that I d intentionally deceived her. Never thought leaving Marty with me was a mistake even when he came out. Hell I blamed me for that. Figured I d somehow influenced him. She told me not to be stupid and to get over my bad self.



But you knew before you married her didn t you?



I hid it so well I convinced myself. I told you my first experience wasn t pleasant.



That was in college right? Come on Dan keep going. Don t shut down now.



Yeah. My second year of college. I was seventeen a virgin and curious. I knew I was supposed to like girls but it was the guys my eyes followed and who crept into my dreams at night.



My folks were in their mid-forties when I was born and the whole idea of talking about sex was embarrassing to them. I didn t even get an abbreviated version of the birds and the bees routine. So I wasn t just a virgin I was incredibly naГЇve.



What about friends?



My class load was too heavy and I was too shy. I never clicked with anyone on the swim team so I didn t have any friends. My roommate tolerated me and that was about it.



How the hell did you and this guy hook up?



I wouldn t call it hooking up. I found out later he targeted guys like me. The ones with no experience who weren t sure of their sexuality. He sighed. You really don t want to hear this. It isn t a nice story.



Rob curled his fingers around Dan s palm and held on. You re right. I don t want to hear it. It s likely to piss me off. But I think you need to tell it so it can start to lose its hold on you. You haven t told many people. Tell the one who loves you. Lance the damn wound Doc.



He didn t speak for a long moment. When he did his voice was calm but Rob saw the bunched muscle in his jaw. My folks didn t have much money for extras so I spent the short holidays on campus only going home for Spring Break and Christmas. I was carrying a full course load during the summer so even then I stayed at school. Shortly after mid-terms we had a four-day weekend. My roommate headed home and I found myself alone in the common room of my dorm one evening.



A senior came in started talking to me hitting on me and one thing led to another and then it led to his room. Before I really knew what was happening he had me sucking him off. I thought there should be something more but I didn t refuse either. Like I said I was curious. What the hell do you know about how things work when you re seventeen confused and horny? He paused and closed his eyes. After that he got me onto his bed and fucked me. When he was done he shoved me aside and told me to get out. I left. Went to my room and never told anyone.



The bastard raped you.



Not technically. I didn t say no. Dan s voice was very soft. After that I went so far into denial you could ve called me Cleopatra. I decided that anything that hurt so much was definitely not for me. It wasn t something I consciously thought through. I didn t know there are ways to make love that don t cause pain. I was so damn green I didn t even know it shouldn t hurt. So I stopped watching the guys and made myself take an interest in girls. Two years later I met Judy. He laughed but it was a hollow sound. One of the things she liked about me was that I didn t pressure her for sex before we got married. In fact she had to propose to me. I was petrified.



Daniel look at me. The brown eyes opened at last. I don t give a rat s ass about technicalities. The guy was four or five years older than you knew you were uncertain and questioning things. He manipulated you into the situation and then he took advantage of it. You were raped. I m surprised you ever came out after that.



I didn t. You can t call the way I live out of the closet.



You re out far enough for me Doc. He lifted Dan s hand kissed its knuckles and returned it to Dan s chest. I had some mutual jack off sessions in high school a few flings early in college nothing serious just having some fun. Emotionally more like friends than lovers. First time I got serious about anyone was in law school. I ve had two longish relationships but they didn t make me yearn for permanency. I figure I was waiting for you.



Dan took a quick sharp breath. That s the most beautiful thing you could have said. He paused. I don t think I want to hear about those other men. It s ridiculous but I m jealous of them.



Rob kissed him slow and soft and then lifted his head. No need to be jealous lover. It wasn t the real thing. I thought I loved them at one point or another but the feeling didn t last. I suppose that s the difference between being in love with the idea of love and loving someone just because they are who they are. A no-matter-what absolutely no choice in the matter love. The way I love you.



Dan pulled him down for another fiercer kiss. They were breathing heavier when Dan finally released him.



Rob wanted to keep this going. Dan in a talkative mood was a rare thing. What about the other guy the one after the divorce?



What about him? He was a nice man gentle considerate in many ways. A complete top but not mean about it.



Did you love him? Rob couldn t help the sharpness in his voice but Dan seemed to understand.



Don t be green-eyed. I was lonely and he was the first man to show me any affection. It was over too soon to grow into anything more than an affair. We d only been sleeping together for six weeks when he called it off. I think he was searching for something. He shrugged. I wasn t it. To be honest what I enjoyed most about it was having someone to hold at night. The sex wasn t all that great.



You re kidding me right? You re a very loving man and not just in bed. Of course in bed you re a fucking dynamo.



Until I met you I wasn t all that interested in sex. Maybe there s something missing in me some drive that others have.



There s nothing missing in you. I ve never known anyone more passionate more caught up in the moment than you. Not just as a lover but as a person. He was an idiot you realize that?



He was confused. That isn t a criminal offense.



I stand by my first statement. Any man who d hurt you or toss you carelessly aside is an idiot or worse. He traced the line of Dan s brow down to the laugh lines beside his eyes followed the strong cheekbone and then flattened his hand to cup the side of Dan s face. You re too special for that.



As long as you think so that s all that matters. He smiled a rich slow curve of his lips and warming of his brown eyes. Maybe I m ready for round two after all. A knock at the door followed by a tentative Dad? interrupted him. Damn. The downside to a kid in the house.



Rob laughed. I love your kid so it s not such a problem. At least he knocked.



Uh-huh. We ll see how much you love him when he really interrupts us. Wait he already did that. Maybe you don t mind after all. He sat up settled the covers more carefully around them and called for Marty to come in.



**********



Marty stuck his head inside the door saw them relaxed and waiting and let the rest of his body follow. I hope my timing isn t sucky but Billy will be waking up soon and I figured we should get the gifts and be out there when he does.



His dad smiled. You re right I don t want to miss this. Bring them in from the garage and we ll join you once we re dressed.



Thanks Dad. He looked at them and grinned. You two look cute all snuggled together. He ducked behind the door sweeping it shut before the pillow his dad launched could hit him.



Marty needed three trips to bring everything in but he had the laptop on the ottoman and the piano keyboard and stand next to it by the time Rob and his dad emerged from the bedroom.



Rob headed for the refrigerator. Got anything but coffee and water to drink?



Dan nodded. Iced tea juice soft drinks and maybe a couple of beers.



I ll save the beer for later. Iced tea sounds good. Want anything Doc?



The same. Marty why don t you and I turn the den into a computer/music room for you two? I can buy some shelves and a desk for the alcove in my room move my medical books and computer in there. What do you think? Dan took the glass of tea from Rob with a smile of thanks.



It would be cool but that s your den. I don t want to push you out of it.



Push him out of what? Billy yawned and rubbed his eyes.



Oh shit I didn t hear you. Close your eyes. Marty didn t leave it to chance but covered Billy s eyes.



How often do you feel the urge to do this Marty? There s probably a twelve-step program for it.



You gotta keep your eyes closed. I ll lead you to the couch. He lifted his hands and guided Billy to the sofa made sure he was in precisely the right spot and stepped back. Okay look.



Billy s eyes opened blinked and grew wide. He stared at the computer but it was the keyboard he touched first. These are for me?



Marty grinned. No they re for the kid next door. Of course they re yours. Do you like em?



When did … how … oh wow. He hugged Marty. Thank you.



Today while we were at the arcade. My idea Dad s credit card.



Billy launched himself at Dan wrapped his arms tight around him and there it was again. That brilliant shining smile. Thank you. I ve never gotten anything like this. He frowned. That stuff isn t cheap. I ll get a job as soon as I can and pay you back.



Rob rescued Dan s tea and Dan returned the hug. You re very welcome son. It s a gift so I won t take a penny from you but I do expect a return on my investment. When you ve learned to play I want a front row seat for your first at-home performance.



**********



Webber had freed himself flopped back on the bed and waited for the worst of the pain to pass. After thirty minutes he d shuffled to the bathroom and taken a couple of codeine tablets. He d caught his reflection in the mirror and didn t like what he saw. Pasty and gray-faced covered with a greasy sheen of sweat and hunched over like a reject from a senior citizens home. He made his slow way back to the bed and sat down. His balls ached worse than he remembered from high school when he d been caught by a knee in football practice. His back took him into a different realm of pain. He still had to fight the urge to puke. He closed his eyes took deep breaths and rode it out. Pain could be a useful tool. He d use it now let it prod him toward revenge.



**********



Rob was at the table laptop in front of him saving the letters and brief he d completed. Later he d borrow Dan s printer and have them ready to deliver tomorrow. The boys were outside swimming slow laps and Dan was at the stove filling the house with the appetizing smell of spaghetti and garlic bread. The small radio on the counter was playing a long run of mixed tunes and Rob suddenly realized Dan had been singing along. Now he joined Rob Thomas in All That I Am. His voice was a rich baritone smooth and sure. Rob didn t say anything just listened and enjoyed.



Marty and Billy came in towels wrapped around their shoulders. Billy padded softly over to the table eyes wide. Rob held a finger to his lips. Marty stood between them smiling.



The song ended a commercial began and Rob applauded quietly. Bravo Doc. I didn t know you could sing. You ve got a beautiful voice.



Dan spun around surveyed his audience and blushed. Thank you.



Dad only sings when he s really happy or really drunk. Marty looked around. I don t see any booze.



Unless I get back to work you won t see any food for supper either. You have just enough time for a shower before we eat. Dan turned back to the stove.



Marty grinned. No comments from the peanut gallery right? Come on Billy I know when I m not wanted. He jogged down the hall.



Dan? Billy s voice was quiet. What s your favorite song? If you had to pick one.



That s tough. For vocals either All That I Am by Rob Thomas With Arms Wide Open by Creed maybe Use Me by Bill Withers. Anything by Bob Seger or Marc Cohn. Why?



I ll find the music and learn to play those three if you ll sing with me. I can sing the harmony. Deal?



Rob watched the brief struggle between Dan s innate shyness and his inability to disappoint the teenager. Deal. Billy smiled and trotted away to join Marty.



Rob stood and stretched. You re a marshmallow where those two are concerned. He wandered over to the stove. That smells great. He rested his hands on the broad shoulders. So tell me Doc are you happy?



He reached up and covered Rob s hand. Very.



Rob slid an arm around him and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. I ll do my best to keep you singing he said his voice rough.



**********



During dinner Rob told Billy what he d discovered about his name. Billy twirled spaghetti onto his fork listening a thoughtful look on his face. I never realized. Should have I had the birth certificate. I was just always Billy Webber. He transferred spaghetti from his fork to his mouth and chewed slowly. Prescott huh? And I can use it? I mean it s legal? What about all my records?



We can have everything changed to reflect your name your legal name whenever you wish Rob said. Is that what you d like to do?



The fork in Billy s hand rattled against his plate. He looked down at the tabletop. Monday morning I stood in the shower for almost two hours trying to wash his smell off me. His name is just one more link to him and I don t want it. He looked at Rob his eyes blue fire in his face. I want my name back. The name my mom gave me. I don t want anything from him ever again.



Dan reached out and covered Billy s hand. Then that s what we ll do. Rob can take care of the boring paperwork. From now on you re Billy Prescott. The blond head turned his way and the taut body relaxed. Speaking of things you want to do I saw your transcripts and your grades are excellent. Have you thought about what college you d like to attend? What you want to study?



Oh I figured I d go wherever I could get a scholarship. I don t have any money saved.



Dan carried his dishes to the sink. Hmm. If you could pick any college where would you like to go?



Stanford University. They have an excellent psychology and psychiatry curriculum.



My mom lives in Palo Alto. If we went to Stanford maybe we could stay with her. Marty glanced at his father s back and his eyes darkened. But it s probably too expensive. Out-of-state tuitions are killer high. We ll find someplace closer to home. His voice was nonchalant.



Rob wasn t fooled. Marty didn t want to leave his dad alone. He wondered if Dan realized that. He saw the quick frown on Dan s face. Yeah he knows Rob thought.



Billy also noticed the undercurrent. I like your mom Marty but I don t think I want to live with her. I don t know her husband at all.



Dan spoke without turning around. Well we ve got a year to figure it out. I m sure we ll come to an arrangement we can all live with. He rinsed his hands and dried them. You want to study psychology Billy?



Specializing in children. A lot of kids need someone to help them. He drank the last of his milk.



A worthy ambition Rob said.



**********



After dinner Dan cleared space in the den for Billy s computer and keyboard and the boys spent most of the evening surfing the web. Dan and Rob sat in the living room watching the news. He was angled into a corner of the leather sofa his legs propped on the footstool. Dan s long legs covered the width of the couch and he leaned against Rob s chest.



Maybe I should talk to Judy see if Marty and Billy could move in with her and Mitch attend their last year of high school out there and go to college as residents. I have a good bit of money set aside for college expenses but Marty s right about out-of-state tuition. For the two of them it would make a big dent.



Think hard on that. You live for Marty and now Billy. Their absence would make a huge hole in your life and I m not sure they d fare so well without you.



I have to let them go sometime. Can t keep them in the nest forever.



Right now more than anything those two need what you give them. I m sure Judy and her husband would love them and treat them well but with you they have an acceptance of them as young men that they may not find in her home. He tightened the arm he had around Dan s chest. Besides there are other alternatives.



A college around here? I d like them to have a more tolerant atmosphere for those years. I suppose I could cash in some investments or dip into my dream fund.



Actually I was wondering why you couldn t move out west with them before school starts. If moving s what you think would be best. It s not as if you have ties to this area. Dan sat up and spun around. Rob blinked at the anger and hurt in Dan s eyes. What s wrong?



How can you say that? Dan s face was pale his eyes were black and his voice was rough and harsh. He stood abruptly glaring down at Rob.



Why are you so angry? Rob got to his feet puzzled. What did I say? He saw Marty and Billy standing in the hallway wide-eyed drawn by Dan s voice.



I have no ties here? What are you damn it?



I didn t mean….



Dan bunched his hands in Rob s shirt and jerked him closer. Didn t mean what? Didn t mean it when you said that you wanted to stay with me? That you love me? You got into my life into my bed and into my heart damn it. You got me to open up let you in and now you re saying I have no ties here. I talked to you told you things I ve never told anyone. I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you and you just blithely suggest I move to another goddamn state. You … I trusted you. He released him so suddenly that Rob staggered back a step. Fuck you. Those two words were delivered in a choked voice. Dan stood breathing heavily his hands fisted arms straight at his sides.

Rob drew him close. Dan stood stiff and unyielding not withdrawing from the embrace but not accepting it either. That isn t what I meant damn it. I figured I d go with you. He kissed the tense neck rubbed the trembling shoulders and cupped Dan s head to his shoulder. I ll go with you if you want to move. My god Daniel I didn t mean anything else. Just that if you want to move there s no reason we can t. We not you.



You didn t say we. You said me as if I should just go and leave you.



I figured you understood what I meant.



You d come too? You weren t trying to get rid of me?



Never baby. Rob looked over Dan s shoulder at the two boys and nodded slightly. Marty hesitated but Billy took his hand and pulled him back down the hallway. I love you and I don t want to be anywhere but with you. He kept touching stroking kissing and gentling Dan. I m not trying to get rid of you or get away from you or do anything but love you.



Daniel wasn t stiff and unyielding now. He was trembling and shaking like a power line in a high wind practically humming with tension. Too much Rob thought. Too many emotions bubbling over in the last three days. Too many walls knocked down.



Do you hear me Daniel? Do you believe me? A jerky nod against his shoulder. Okay all right. Come on lover. He led Dan into the bedroom kicked the door shut and walked him to the bathroom. Wait right here I m going to start the shower. He turned on the taps stripped down to his boxers and began to unbutton Dan s shirt.



You ve been through too much these last three days. Emotions battering you feelings you re not used to expressing. First with Billy and Marty and then you and me. You ve kept yourself under such tight control for so long and I just expect you to let go without any consequences. He worked the shirt off and unzipped Dan s jeans. Relax baby come on. Let s get into the shower. Gotta get you unwound Doc.



Dan lifted one leg and then the other when Rob pulled his pants and underwear off and waited while Rob adjusted the water temperature. He let Rob lead him into the shower and his tremors began to ease once he was under the warm water. Rob scrubbed his back from his hair to his heels turned him around and washed his front. Almost done let s get you rinsed dried and then into bed.



Wait. Dan tipped his head back rinsed his hair and body caught water in his hands and splashed his face. He curled his left hand around the grab bar on the back wall of the shower looped his right around Rob and pulled him close. I m sorry. I shouldn t have said those things to you. I don t know what s wrong with me. I m not usually such an emotional wreck.



It s okay. I understand. He slipped his arms around the trim waist.



I m not sure you do but that doesn t matter right now. He ran light fingers over Rob s shoulder up his neck and threaded them into the damp hair. Only one thing does. He skimmed his lips over Rob s rubbed his cheek against the side of Rob s face like a cat. I love you.



Rob shuddered his relief so great it nearly unhinged his knees. Oh god Daniel I love you so damn much. He tightened his arms turned his head and found Dan s lips. The kiss was white-hot and molten and Rob felt it down to his toes.



Dan pressed hard against him his grip on the towel rack keeping them anchored and on their feet. His other hand slid down Rob s back and he cupped a cotton-clad buttock. Rob?



Rob s eyes were closed as his hands roamed over the water-slick skin and his mouth pressed against Dan s smooth chest. Hmm?



Why are you standing in the shower with your underwear on?



Rob pushed his boxers down shucked them off and tossed them into a corner of the shower all without lifting his mouth from Dan s skin. As he leaned down his lips and tongue teased Dan s navel and when he rose back up he sought and found a nipple. He licked sucked and finally set his teeth around it. He pulled back tugged gently and Dan s hips jerked forward.



Rob unhh … oh god. Dan s body arched and his hand returned to the back of Rob s head.



Rob switched to the other nipple giving it the same nip and tug. Dan s hand tightened on Rob s hair his legs shook and when he pressed his crotch into Rob s he was as hard as stone.



What are you doing to me? Jesus Rob.



Rob gripped both their cocks in one hand clamped the other around one sleek buttock and bent to the side burying his mouth in Dan s armpit. The hair there was as silky and fine as down the scent clean masculine and heady. He licked every inch of Dan s pit felt him shiver and moved his hand faster over their erections.



Dan s legs started to shake. Oh god. Oh please. His hand was still tangled in Rob s hair and his fingers tightened. Rob kissed his way up over the arm across the broad shoulder all the way to Dan s ear. He fastened his lips around the ear lobe sucked it into his mouth and suddenly nipped it sharply. At the same time he pressed a finger into Dan s puckered ring.



Oh god! Dan nearly screamed the words and only his hand on the bar and Rob s arm around him kept him from falling as he erupted. The feel of Dan s cock jerking and twitching against his sent Rob over the edge and their fluids bubbled up and mixed together to spill over his hand.



He released Dan s ear sought his mouth and kissed him gently. Let s go to bed. He washed quickly rinsed and stepped out. Daniel reached over and shut off the water. Rob grabbed a towel for himself and handed another to Dan. Five minutes later they were snug in the big bed one bedside lamp glowing softly.



**********



You don t understand. Dad doesn t get mad. The only time I ve heard him yell is when I do something dumb and scare him. And he was crying. Rob made him cry. Marty scowled. I don t care how much he says he loves Dad. You don t do that to people you love. He stalked back and forth between the bed and the door.



Not on purpose. I think your dad misunderstood something Rob said took it the wrong way. That can happen. Or maybe Rob stuck his foot in his mouth. I bet he didn t mean it whatever it was.



Marty shot a quick glance at Billy who was sitting on the edge of the bed. Yeah okay that could be it. He shoved his hand through his hair. I ve done that with you. But not like that! Dad was really racked. He looked like he was gonna fly apart. He strode to the door. I m gonna go check on him.



**********



Remind me not to piss you off Rob said. You ve got an impressive temper.



Dan winced. I m sorry. I usually keep it under control. I didn t mean what I said.



What you don t want to spend the rest of your life with me?



Damn it I meant that. Dan frowned at him. You re teasing me.



Ya think? Rob rearranged his pillows propping them against the headboard. He leaned back half-sitting and pulled Dan against his shoulder. Lighten up lover. I don t want to have to dump you in the shower again.



I don t know it was fun there at the end. Dan swept his fingers back and forth through the curly hairs on Rob s chest. Have I mentioned how much I like doing this? You have just the right amount of hair. I d catch a glimpse of it sometimes when we d have lunch. You d loosen your tie undo a couple of buttons and I d practically melt into a puddle.



You ve got a terrific poker face. I never caught on.



A by-product of my profession. He continued playing with Rob s hair tugging it lightly sliding his fingers through it and drawing circles in it. Tell me why we bothered to put on underwear before we climbed in here. It s just getting in the way. He slid his hand down and gently popped the waistband of Rob s boxers.



I m anticipating a visit. The boys caught part of the uh discussion in the living room. If I ve read your kid right he ll be knocking at the door any minute just to make sure you re okay.



Oh shit. He started to sit up but Rob held him in place and he relaxed. How much did they hear? A firm knock at the door had him trying to pull away again.



Doc it won t damage Marty s psyche if he sees you in my arms. And right now this is exactly where I need you. Rob felt some of the tension leave Dan s shoulders. He pushed himself higher on the pillows and angled his body so Dan could lean back against him.



**********



Billy followed Marty down the hall and through the living area to Dan s door. Once there Marty hesitated his hand raised. What s wrong? Billy kept his voice low.



What if they re you know doing something?



Then they ll tell us to go away. He reached around Marty and rapped firmly.



Dan s voice answered. Come on in Marty.



**********



Marty opened the door. Dad? Are you okay? He looked at the two of them at Rob s arm across his dad s shoulder his dad s tired but relaxed face and stepped into the room. He felt Billy close behind him.



Come here son. You too Billy. Dan patted the bed.



Billy perched on the edge of the bed and Marty leaned against his dad s hip. I saw you and Rob arguing. He cut his eyes over to the redhead met the calm gray gaze and looked back at his dad. You were cussing and crying. I just … I had to make sure you re all right. He felt a blush creep up his neck. I don t want to butt in or anything but I ve never heard you sound so angry so hurt.



Come here. Dan held out his arms and Marty leaned against his chest. He felt like a little kid wanting his dad to hug him and tell him everything was okay. And that s what his father did. I m fine. Rob said something I completely misunderstood and I exploded. The last few days have left me a little ragged. I m sorry you had to hear it though.



I m not Marty said. In a weird way it was good to see. I mean now that I know you re okay and all. He sat up and gazed at his dad. You re always so in control so calm taking care of everyone else and never letting on that you get mad or hurt just like anyone. So it was good to see that you do even if I didn t like it that you were so upset. Cuz if you can get that mad maybe you can be really happy too if you let yourself. He looked at Rob again and frowned. What did you say to piss him off?



Marty it doesn t matter I told you it was my fault.



Rob s exasperated voice cut in. It wasn t your fault. It wasn t anyone s fault. Don t take the blame for everything Daniel. He took a quick breath and continued his voice calmer. I said that if Dan wanted to move to California before your senior year starts so you two can attend Stanford as residents he should. That he has no ties here. He thought I meant without me. He turned his head toward Dan. I put that idea to rest in a hurry. No way I d let him go without me.



Billy s body was shaking and Marty realized he was laughing. What s so funny?



Billy snickered. All of this all of us. None of us talking about how we feel wandering around in a daze. We should all have big bruises on our foreheads from smacking ourselves and saying d oh. He voice was a perfect Bart Simpson. We need a clue stick so we can whap each other with it now and then. He leaned against Marty laughing harder.



I saw one at the mall would have bought it Marty said. But I didn t know what it was for. He keeled over catching Billy s humor as he would a cold. He lay weakly across the legs of the two men Billy snorting warm puffs of air over his ribs as they slowly calmed down.



Billy sat up and hauled on Marty s arm to bring him along. The bemused expression on his dad s face nearly set Marty off again but he managed to keep it together. We should all sit down and talk get things out in the open. Not right now but soon. Who knows? Billy and I might even have some ideas on how to make things easier for everyone. He leaned forward and gave his dad a hug and a kiss. I like the idea of moving though. Partly to be closer to Mom mostly to get away from this town. Think about it okay?



Dan scooped both boys against him kissed them both and Marty wasn t surprised at the hitch he felt in his dad s breathing. He turned his head caught Rob s eye and smiled. Sorry Rob. I didn t mean to give you a hard time.



Rob shook his head. You and your dad always so worried about everyone else s feelings. You had a right to be concerned and a right to ask. If you ever push past your rights into what I think is none of your damn business I promise I ll let you know.



Fair enough. Come on Billy let s raid the fridge.



**********



When the door closed Daniel sighed. I know you keep telling me not to say it but I am sorry. For blowing my top for doubting you for going to pieces on you.



Rob kissed his temple. I really do understand. Every nerve you have is raw and screaming right now. Everything that s happened in the last three days has hit you hard pushed all your buttons with a fucking vengeance. Every aspect of you has been involved on a deep level. As a doctor you re committed to healing and to see the damage inflicted on Billy tears at your guts. As a father it appalls and disgusts you. As a decent man it enrages you. You probably wanted to kill Webber on some level.



Daniel grunted. More than one level. I still do. He spread his hands turned them over and studied them. I ve never used these to hurt anyone. Even as a kid I avoided fights. Never hit another person. He clenched his hands until the knuckles were white. When I listened to Billy and then examined him saw what had happened I could picture Webber s throat in my hands his face turning purple. He shivered. I ve never felt such raw hatred. Didn t think I was capable of it. It frightens me that I can hate like that. I hope I never see the man anywhere because I m afraid of what I ll do.



Not you lover. If he came after Billy you d fight yeah. I don t doubt that. But to just go after him with no provocation? Not fucking likely. You re too good a man for that.



I have evil in me.



Bullshit. You evil? No Doc. You re human sure. You get pissed off you see something like what happened to Billy and you want to kill the man who did it. But you wouldn t unless you had no other choice. That isn t evil that s what they used to call righteous anger. He shook his head. Evil is what Webber did what he is. And there s none of that in you.



Then why do I feel so rotten?



Rob slid down on the bed pulling Daniel with him and bringing him fully into his arms. Because you re a good man a kind man and you fight what you see as your weaknesses every damn day. You keep a tight rein on yourself. Maybe a little too tight. It wouldn t hurt to cut loose now and then. Cuss a little laugh a lot and for now cut the damn angst and make love to me.



I m not sure I can manage all that in one night.



Rob rolled over and stared down at him. Then how about just the last bit?



Well it s good to know you don t have any problems expressing your wants and needs.



Now who s teasing? Rob grinned. Will you shut the fuck up and kiss me?



**********



Webber sat a the table nursing a beer and his anger. The pills had finally kicked in and he d gone to work. Now he was home again just two hours into his shift.



Billy had brought him nothing but trouble the little shit. Word had already spread at the station about the kid moving out and having Dr. Daniel Fucking Baxter named his guardian. There d even been talk about the restraining order and questions about why one was needed. The stress was eating at him and he d fucked up an arrest. Smacked around a sniveling little druggie whore. She d looked twenty-five and turned out to be fifteen. By the time the wagon arrived to take her in she had a broken nose and two black eyes. He told the other officers she d resisted but he didn t think it would wash. Now those pricks from I.A. were sniffing around again.



This ain t over Billy boy. You ll wish you d never fucked with me. He finished the beer limped to the refrigerator and got another. After downing half of it he started thinking. There was a way to get to the kid. He just had to find it.



**********



Rob was on his side pressed against Daniel s back his mouth roaming over Dan s neck and shoulder. His hand was between Dan s legs probing trying to stretch and loosen the puckered ring and failing. Dan was tense so tight Rob could barely get two fingers in him. It would be painful for them both if he tried to enter him now. Dan had said he wanted this had practically begged for it. No way. I won t hurt him. Doc what s wrong? A shake of the dark head. We don t have to do this now. We ll wait until you re ready. There s no rush. He nibbled on the area between neck and shoulder.



I m fine just … a little nervous. Please I want this. I want you. Just do it I ll be all right.



Rob leaned over and stared at Daniel. Just do it? He studied his lover closely and realized Dan wasn t trembling with desire he was shaking in … fear? His eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw was clenched. Rob gently removed his fingers tugged at Dan s shoulder until he rolled onto his back and touched the dark hair. Daniel look at me. After two quick breaths the dark eyes opened and Rob flinched at what he saw there. Oh god what s wrong? Did I hurt you? I didn t mean to. Why didn t you say something? I can wait as long as you need me to.



Dan jerked his head in a sharp negative. It isn t … I m sorry. I didn t want you to see … I ll be all right. I know it will stop hurting after a while and it will feel … okay. I really do want to share this with you I love you it s just difficult to get past the … it s been a long time. I ll be all right.



Wait slow down. Why do you think it will hurt?



It always has. It s all right I don t mind. Please I don t want you to have to wait.



It s always hurt? You didn t tell me that. You told me your last lover was gentle. That he was considerate. Didn t he know how to get you ready?



He tried over and over but nothing worked.



Was he unusually large? Is that why?



No he was … you re bigger. He didn t … it wasn t his fault. Dan closed his eyes and pressed his face against Rob s chest. I couldn t … he tried to get me to relax to open so I could … but it didn t matter. I couldn t … I was always too tense I never … I m sorry.



Shh calm down baby. He thought back to the way Dan had responded to him moments ago and his stomach clenched. Daniel I just had two fingers inside you. Did that hurt?



He didn t answer and Rob had to ask again. Finally a whisper. Yes.



Oh no. Fuck I m an idiot. I m so sorry. Rob was devastated. How could I so completely misread his signals? I didn t realize. You seemed to want it so much but … I was too eager I m an asshole. I ll slow down baby. It won t hurt I promise. Rob grasped Dan s chin and gently turned his face up. He didn t realize he was crying until he saw a tear splash on Dan s cheek. That opened Dan s eyes again. Listen to me please. There shouldn t be any pain you know that and there won t be if I just take more time. Do you hear me Daniel? I will not hurt you. You don t have to be afraid.



The brown eyes avoided his. You won t mean to hurt me but it won t make any difference how careful how gentle you are how much time you take. There s something wrong with me. I can t relax. It doesn t matter I don t care. I want to feel you inside me.



And you will but first we ll get this cleared up. You re a doctor so think like one for a minute. Is there any medical physical reason you shouldn t enjoy this? Scarring damage of any kind something in your physical build?

Dan sighed. No nothing like that. I just can t….



Fuck can t. Dan s eyes jerked up to meet his. Got your attention. Good. Did it ever occur to you my beautiful dense lover that your kind gentle man was an impatient self-centered twit and that I haven t been any better?



What? You re not … no I told you it s me.



Fuck that too. He held Dan s face between his hands. There is nothing wrong with you. I ve never known anyone in or out of bed who is more passionate more joyous more giving than you. You ve enjoyed every aspect of our lovemaking and this won t be any different if we do it right. He paused as a thought occured to him. Baby do you think you hurt me?



Dan closed his eyes. When I … yes. I know I did. Maybe it stopped hurting but … I know it was painful when it … went in. He swallowed. I m sorry. I tried to be careful but I saw your face. You … just for a moment I hurt you. I didn t want to I tried to stop but you wouldn t let me and then I couldn t. I m sorry.



You didn t hurt me. Trust me. What you saw was pleasure so intense I wanted to scream. That s how good how wonderful it felt. He paused willing Dan to believe him. If it had hurt I would have asked you to slow down. If it had hurt I wouldn t have come. Hell my dick would have shriveled up and you know I was as hard as a fucking lead pipe. I m not lying I m not saying this to make you feel better. You did not hurt me. There was a very small very brief pinch when you entered me. Lasted maybe half a second. After that it was pleasure all the way only that no pain.



Dan s eyes opened and Rob saw a desperate longing in those brown depths. That … that was all? Just a quick pinch?



Absolutely. I can even show you what it felt like. He reached out and gave one of Dan s nipples a sharp tweak. Dan gasped and his back arched. Did that hurt? No? That s what it felt like when your cock finally docked with my ass. That was the only moment of discomfort and I m not sure it even qualifies as that because I welcomed it I knew it meant you were inside me.



Then why does it … for me why does it hurt so much? It stops after a while but it never felt good. Why can t I enjoy it?



It isn t you. He planted a light kiss on the trembling lips thinking he d like to track down and beat the man who d done this to his Daniel and add a few lashes to his own back in the process. How many times did your bedmate top you lover?



Predictably Dan blushed. Just four times. He gave up finally. Probably why he left because I….



Stop right there. It wasn t you. I m a fucking imbecile. You re practically a virgin and I m treating you like you should know how this works. I ll make you a promise. When I enter you for the first time you won t even feel it. You ll be so ready I ll have my dick halfway up your ass before you know it s happening.



I don t think that s likely but I ll trust you that it won t hurt much more than a quick pinch. Okay?



Too bad you don t gamble cuz I d win this bet. He could tell Daniel didn t believe it but he didn t think more words would convince him. He needed proof and there was only one way to give him that.



Can we try again? Now? Dan flushed deeper and stammered. I … I…. He took a deep breath and tried again getting the words out in a jumbled rush. When I was in you after I started moving you looked so aroused so turned on like it felt good better than good and I want that too but I ve been afraid I don t like the pain but oh god I want that pleasure and I want you to feel the way I felt inside you. So I tried because I want it so damn much. I don t want to keep that from you I want to share it all. He stopped took another breath and continued his voice calmer. I want to try again.



You re sexy when you re flustered. Hell you re sexy all the time. He bent his head and Dan reached up to meet his lips but Rob dodged at the last second and kissed his jaw instead. We ll try again later he murmured. Right now let me make you feel good. He nibbled at an available ear lobe and drew a shiver of pleasure from Dan. He strung a line of kisses from Dan s ear to the hollow of his throat over the collarbone and up to his shoulder. He burrowed into the soft hairs under Dan s arm inhaling the rich male scent of the man he loved tasting and teasing with his tongue.



He moved lower flattened his tongue to stroke the half-hard dick and felt it stir. Lower still and he licked the heavy balls and then down to the tight flesh below them. Dan moaned and Rob journeyed even farther and fluttered his tongue over the tiny starred hole. Dan gasped and his hips jerked. Rob bit lightly on the left ass cheek and then the right and Dan whimpered. He licked and nibbled on Dan s legs kissed behind his knees and nipped at the strong calves. Down to the ankles avoiding the ticklish feet and then back up. Dan trembled and this time it was with passion.



He took his time and built the desire steadily lavishing attention on every part of Dan s body never staying in one spot for long. Always returning to but never lingering for more than a moment on Dan s puckered ring. He blew on it and watched it quiver then moved up to his navel. He waited a long time before he lubed one finger and gently worked it in while his mouth moved over the well-defined abs. He used his tongue to tease Dan s nipples slid his finger in and out and gradually the tight hole relaxed enough to admit two and then three fingers. Rob finally added fresh lube to his rigid cock. Dan was groaning and begging his voice louder than usual his hips pushing against Rob s hand trying to get more.



Rob leaned forward found Dan s ear lobe and sucked on it and then let his tongue trace the contours and ridges at the top of the ear. Dan moaned his hips bucked up and his hand tightened on Rob s shoulder. Oh god please don t make me wait anymore. I want you in me please. He rolled his head back and forth on the pillow panting.



Rob moved down caught Dan s legs with his shoulders and let the lean calves rest on his back. Not yet baby just a little longer. He slid forward removed his fingers and let his dick brush along the cleft of Dan s ass. He felt Dan thrust up and saw his frustration when he refused to press in. He kept his eyes on Dan s face and bit gently at a taut bicep. He licked his way across the heaving chest dipped down to swirl his tongue in Dan s navel lower to lap the fluids from the tip of Dan s cock and moved back up to suckle first one nipple then the other.



Oh fuck me please. I can t stand it. Dan was writhing beneath him humping upward desperate. Damn it don t leave me hanging like this. Please.



Rob kept his mouth around Dan s nipple and waited. He felt the taut buttocks lift felt the tip of his rigid length grasped by the needy ass and bit down on the nub in his mouth. At the same time he pushed gently steadily forward and slipped sweetly into the hot tight channel.



Dan s back arched and Rob slid even deeper. Oh fuck! Please please now. I need you inside me now.



I m already there.



What? Dan s nostrils flared as he drew in a sharp breath. Oh god.



Are you all right? Dan s eyes were half-closed and unfocused and his body rippled in a loose boneless way that reminded Rob of water lapping against a shore. Daniel? Answer me lover. Are you okay?



Unhh yes … so good. He tipped back on his shoulders and thrust his hips up. More I want all of you. Incredibly his inner muscles moved and gripped Rob s dick pulling it in deeper. Yes oh god yes. Don t stop.



Rob gasped. Oh fuck your ass is amazing. Slow down baby. I want this to last. Rob grew desperate tried to hold on afraid he d explode before he could pleasure Daniel. Wait lover please.



Dan continued to undulate beneath him drawing him in and Rob struggled for control. Suddenly Daniel lifted his legs off Rob s shoulders eeled them under Rob s arms and wrapped them around his waist. His eyes opened and Rob saw nothing in them but deep pleasure and hot desire. I can t stop … it s so good. He tightened his legs and pulled Rob forward until flesh met flesh. You don t have to go slow. Oh god please. Now Rob now.



Rob gave in. He thrust deeper pulled back and let Daniel set the rhythm. Within five strokes he felt a tingling in his balls. Three more and he was shaking and grunting. Oh shit oh fuck … baby I m sorry I can t … oh god I want to wait for you … unhh. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes begging his body to hold on just a little longer.



Dan grabbed Rob s neck pulled himself up and covered Rob s mouth with his own. His hips bucked once his cock erupted and his body clamped down hard on Rob. He gasped into Rob s mouth a muffled sob of pleasure and his head fell back on the pillow. Rob exploded spilling his seed into Daniel s clenching spasming channel.



Oh my god. Oh Daniel oh yes. Rob withdrew halfway and thrust in deeper and Dan s cock spurted again. God yes. Swallow me up baby. Oh fuck yes.



His arms shook and he lowered himself and rolled to his side holding on tight bringing Dan with him. He felt the twitches of Dan s cock against his stomach felt the tightening of Dan s ass around him and groaned as he felt more of himself flow into his lover. God I m still coming.



Dan still trembled his body still rolled like a wave on the ocean slower now but still moving. At last he stopped and rested heavy and limp in Rob s arms. Daniel baby oh my god. Rob held him close stroked the damp hair at the nape of his neck lifted his hip so Dan could straighten the leg trapped beneath him and clasped the firm buttocks. He kissed his cheek the corner of his mouth his shoulder any spot he could reach with his mouth.



Daniel s eyes were closed and his breathing was still erratic. His hips stuttered now and then an orgasmic hiccup. His hands held fast to Rob and his right leg was wrapped tight around Rob s legs. He uttered little sounds of pleasure. Umm ohh mmm.



Rob was softening the ongoing spasms of Dan s ass forcing him out little by little. Dan s hips twitched downward and Rob chuckled. That won t keep me in there handsome. You drained me dry. I m like spaghetti right now. At those words he slipped out and Dan whimpered a soft no. Rob hesitated but he had to know. Daniel did I hurt you? Tell me the truth baby. Please.



Dan stirred opened eyes still dark and hazy with satisfaction and shook his head. All I felt was pleasure. God such a weak pale word for what you ve given me. Ecstasy rapture even those words don t come close to what I felt. He touched Rob s face and smiled. Rob hadn t seen this smile before and he stared. It was an erotic smoldering smile of desire fulfillment and joy. Dan s eyes sparkled under the smoky heat of satisfied passion and then slipped closed. He fell asleep the smile still on his lips.



Rob pulled the covers up rolled onto his back held Dan close and let out a shaky breath that was almost a sob. He didn t like to cry so he never did. Except with this man. Must be fucking love he muttered and then laughed softly. It was okay he could trust Daniel with his tears. He could trust him with anything.



There was a light tap on the door and Rob winced. Come in he called quietly hoping Dan wouldn t wake.



Marty poked his head around the corner. Oh sorry. I was gonna ask Dad for pizza money. We re hungry. He kept his voice low. He looks beat. We ll raid the fridge. Marty peered at his father. Wow. He s smiling in his sleep.



Shh. My wallet s on the dresser. Grab what you need. Order a couple. He ll be hungry when he wakes.



I bet he will. Marty grinned. You re all right Rob. I don t care what anybody says. He pulled a couple of twenties from the wallet and held them up his brows arched.



Rob nodded. Marty make damn sure it s just the pizza guy at the door okay? Marty promised and closed the door quietly. Dan stirred and mumbled. Rob stroked his hair. Rest baby. I ve got you.